Gratitude Month 1

Month 1 of 6 months of Gratitude:

Moment of transparency. The first time the doctor told me I was having a girl..I was excited and scared. I was scared, because I am a tomboy..HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO RAISE A GIRL!! Ultimately, I just wanted a healthy baby. The next time..it was less excitement. I realized quickly that I really wanted a little boy. I still prayed for a healthy baby and fell deeply in love when she was born.

I got pregnant again. I prayed for a boy. Dreamed of a boy. Ended up in the ER with a nurse telling me I was no longer pregnant. I went through a year of deep depression.

 When I got pregnant the last time, I had my heart and soul set on a boy. I prayed for a boy. The test came back a girl. I ugly cried in the doctors office. I cried so hard, the nurse gave me pamphlets for an abortion.  Once I walked out the office I accepted, clearly, there was purpose. I grieved what I thought was my purpose. I fell in love with my baby girl. After she was born, I had my tube's tied...three strikes your out right?

Today, I am grateful that I have all girls. I NEEDED them! GOD knew I needed them. There was and is a little girl inside of me that needed to heal. They are each a part of me at different stages in my life. They helped me heal.

I would not be the woman I am today without them. I would not be able to love, share, nuture, support, emphasize or give grace to people and mothers as I do now. I am still not a girly girl..but we do okay.

GODS plan was so much better than mine. I knew what I wanted, he knew what I needed.

I am beyond grateful.

#sixmonthsofgratitude