Post Traumatic Cheating Syndrome

Even if you no longer want to be with someone or you are having problems in the relationship, you don't publicly embarrass them. I don't care if you have been drinking. I get so tired of people using alcohol as an excuse for blatant disrespect or bad decisions. You made a choice to drink until all your inhibitions were gone, did that include your morals and values as well?

Can you tell, I am not a drinker? Just because I don't drink..does not mean I don't know what alcohol can do to your body and your ability to make good decisions. There is a difference between getting tipsy to have a good time and being too drunk to comprehend the hurt you are causing. Ask my ex who had a baby while we were together, many relationships with other women, stole money from our children to buy alcohol and fought me...its a major problem. Its a huge trigger for my trauma.

After thinking over a situation I witnessed, I realized the intensity of my emotions was not really due to the couples' issue..it was due to my relationship history. You see, I have been that woman before. When my oldest daughter was christened at my home church my husband brought his new girlfriend to it and her birthday party after. His family sat with them, like it was perfectly fine for him to have a wife and a girlfriend. I found out later that she got pregnant on that trip. All my friends wanted to hurt him badly. I spent the majority of the day trying to calm them and my family down. While processing my own feelings of hurt and shame. I was so angry during that time, there was a moment when I thought about letting them carry him off. I had to do what was best for my daughter though, I knew I would not be able to explain what happened to her father and why. The anger did not go away. It actually comes back every time I see him. Luckily, I don't see him very often.

Then there is my most recent ex. Cheating was like drinking water to him. He went out with his brothers one Christmas and came home drunk. I had told him not to drive drunk in my car. So, when he came in..I assumed one of his brothers had driven him home. He asked if they could go back out and get something to eat. I walked them out to the car. There was a girl in the drivers seat, OF MY CAR, when I asked who she was...he told me she was a friend of his brothers who was just driving because everyone else was too drunk to drive. I didn't find out till the next day that the girl that was driving my car was a girl he had been sleeping with for quite awhile. Another situation where I was being disrespected by someone who told me that they love me.

in this situation, I wanted to punch him in his face. I had no issues with the other woman, because in order for her to be that comfortable showing her feelings toward him...he had to make her feel that way. I wanted to end his life literally. I wish I could say that I meant that figuratively, but I didn't. The mere fact that he was breathing and everything that was coming out of his mouth was a lie and it was drunken foulness. Every alcoholic night, every shouting match, every random girl, every empty apology.. started replaying in my head and the anger from never physically confronting him for treating me like shit grew.

I was fully triggered by the whole incident. Its been almost three years since my last relationship and I thought I had healed from that hurt. That I had forgiven him for cheating on me and using me to make him look better. I also had forgiven myself for allowing him to treat me the way he did. Well, at least I thought I was healed. Clearly, I was not..there is no way someone elses' relationship problems should have affected me in a way where I was willing to risk going to jail for assault. The pain that I wanted to inflict on him was personal. I told a friend today that I have Post Traumatic Cheating Syndrome, from being cheated on so much. That was what was triggered.

It is important to recognize your triggers and work to heal from the hurt. Acting on the intense anger that I had towards that man, would have been bad for everyone involved. They say you are not suppose to punish the next man for the sins of the last man. Yet, when the next man starts displaying the same behaviors as the last man then he is getting exactly what he deserves...IN MY OPINION. There are some women who are unable to get over the last man and they carry that into every relationship, which is never a good thing. Taking time in between relationships to purge the hurt, guilt, and feelings of betrayal help to start fresh with someone else. Fresh starts are good to rebuild your trust in the decisions that you make on who to give your heart to. People don't realize that in the midst of everything, you lose faith in yourself. You depend more on your head and not your heart. It makes it extremely hard for someone to come in and change your mind. To allow your heart to believe in love again. The rumor is that there is somebody for everybody and the right one will love you through your pain.

I guess I haven't met mine yet. Now that I know more about my triggers, I can work harder to not respond negatively to them.