Valentines Day!!

I love love..but it don't love me!!

First,

I want to say Happy Early Valentines Day to all the lovers in the room!! I am not one of them...LOL

I wrote this today because I was going through my journals and every year I wrote the goal of not being single on this holiday every year. Needless to say, this is year 6 that I am single on this holiday. This holiday is mainly for women, but I have always been the one buying or planning some type of celebration. I can count on one hand, how many times this holiday has been about me. Which is why it is just another day to me. I do participate in the festivities though, because I enjoy seeing couples show their love.

I enjoy the sappy social media messages, pictures detailing and visually telling the story of how their love has developed over time. Being a hopeless romantic, I cheer for relationships. Especially, when I know the person has been without love for a long time. However, the conversations that men and women have surrounding this holiday amuse me. I was listening to a live today that was talking about women and men should bring more to the table then their private parts as gifts or benefits to the relationship. I agree with this. BUT, I also understand that in relationships sometimes you don't have time to get it in the way you would like to. Valentines Day gives you an excuse to set aside time to get that special freaky time consuming, can't move your legs type sex.

I think the point of the message was that relationships should be equal. One person, should not be solely responsible for making sure that the relationship works. That is the major complaint I hear from women and men. The issue being that it is hard to be someones' everything in a relationship. I have been that everything in the relationship and still ended up alone. In those situations, I have taken accountability for the fact that I was just on a different level than the people I have been with.

It was not their fault, they were just not ready for the type of relationship that I was ready for. There is a meme that says the mentality of a person who has been surviving vs living is different. I have been surviving since I was 9. So, to be in a relationship where I depend on another person is hard for me. I admit there are times that I make moves without taking the other persons feelings into consideration. Even though the moves are what is best for the relationship and ultimately make the relationship successful, it can cause the other person to feel undervalued. Which has lead to them finding someone else who appreciates them more. Frankly, I think that is where a conversation could have helped. I mean we all do things sometimes that we think are the best in the moment, but when given a different perspective you can see how your actions might have been hurtful or inconsiderate.

If you are never told that this is how your behavior is affecting others, it takes away your chance to do and be better. Sometimes we just don't know...and sometimes..we just don't care. As an individual, you have to decide if that person is worth figuring out which one it is.