Comfy Empty Bed

Before my last relationship, my bed had been empty for almost 9 years. Now, it has been for three and I do not see that changing anytime soon. For most of those years, I went back and forth with whether I even wanted it to change. When I was in my 8-year relationship, I did enjoy having someone to sleep with. But he stepped out A LOT and I have say. I enjoyed my home and bed more when he was gone. Being a single mother causes my bed to not be empty as much as I would like. I bought my daughters new beds this year and you would think it would cause them to love to sleep in their cartoon sheet and comforter. Yet, somehow, they still manage to awaken in my bed more mornings than I would like.

This morning I woke up and laid there for a while enjoying the silence. Well, not really silence because my five-year-old has started sneaking into my bed in the middle of the night again. She is very intune with my feelings, I started to notice that she stared coming back around when I am sad. Moving on...

In the silence, I noticed that I enjoyed that silence and I am comfortable in the silence. I guess that is really what the old folks mean when they say, "She is set in her ways." I honestly have become comfortable with being alone. Periodically, I invite someone to spend time with me. I enjoy their company, but I am more content when they leave. When I tell people this. They always say, " Maybe, you just haven't found the right one." I really do not think this matters. There was a time where this made me a little afraid. Afraid that I would never be with someone again, afraid that I would actually end up like my granny and my mother, who have been single and without a late night companion for 30+ years.

I have met MANY right ones. I really like one of the RIGHT ones, but once I start thinking about him being the only one on a regular basis: That is when him being the right one ends. I enjoy having my own space in my bed. Not having to try and fall asleep before he starts snoring, just so I do not have to sit there wondering whether or not to smother him with a pillow. OR continuously tap him so that I can get him to share the covers. Mainly, I do not miss having to compromise on whether the TV should be on or off, the temperature of the house or if he can put his cold as feet on me. I have the whole bed to myself!

Do not get me wrong, there are some days where wish I had someone to hold me as I cry when I am sad. Someone who could have helped me drive home from our road trips when I am too tired to drive. Someone who cooks when I am too tired or gives me back and body rubs when I am in pain. Someone who can help with these bills and these kids. Someone I can have good discussions with after a news brief or a movie. All the above can be done by a good friend, a professional or I can teach my children. So, you can understand why I do not give too much pause when people tell me I need a man or to get a man.

Most people think that women need a man to complete them or to make sure they get their needs met. Society has advanced for the betterment of single women though. Women are vastly becoming the breadwinner in most homes, along with more heads of households being women which is making it easier to become comfortable with not having a constant significant other or husband. Men get their boxers in a bunch when a woman says, “I don’t need a man.” The statement is true though,

There are doctors who can give us babies, we are padding our own bank accounts with money we have earned, we are building empires and creating legacies, we have concealed weapons licenses and we fight in wars. We have come so much further than women who waited on their husbands to come home from war or who were ONLY homemakers. We are in almost every industry, we build families, we breakdown buildings and sterotypes, we have children, we heal from divorce and major traumas, we run non profits and we have sex when we want it most times without any strings attached. I posses most of these qualities..I still like my empty bed.

I am very particular about my bed. I have added chairs to my room because I have a pet peeve about people sitting on my bed. Unless I am extremely tired, I shower before I get in the bed. I change and wash my sheets weekly. My bedroom is my sanctuary, I like for it to smell and look good. It is also a determination of how I am really feeling. If things are all over the place. It is an indication of what is going on in my mind. The only people I allow to invade this sanctuary are my children, usually. Recently, I have had many dark days, I have allowed a couple people to visit me in my bedroom.

For example, I bought a grill a couple of weeks ago. I reached out to the men who had been constantly trying to come see me for them to come put it together for me. They ALL had other things to do. So, they could not help me. What ended up happening was my friend, who is also a female marine, came over and we put it together. I had my male cousin on FB live as I learned how to grill, I also bought a ladder for one of my male friends to come clean my gutters. He still has not come, because, as he put it, he has been busy. SO, I will probably get up there and clean them myself.

For the most part, as I continue to become more independent around the house; I get comfortable not having a man. I mean, women get men for security, the heavy lifting and other manly things. However, I can protect myself and my family, I have lifted or moved most of the heavy things into or out of my house and I have a network of professionals that I pay to do the things that I can't. Ohh...and for the sex part of it. I recommend Adam & Eve. I was never big on toys or things to help in the bedroom. I was also not into using things to help when I was by myself.

Part of it, is because they make me angry...LOL I don't know why, but looking at a device that I have to use to get off...instead of having a real person. Makes me angry. The part of having them in the bedroom was something that I thought was unnecessary if everything was being done right. Well, after having some experiences where I was always the one leaving unsatisfied. I have a different perspective on having toys or extra pleasure tools in the bedroom. I am still against another person in the bedroom, that will not change... I am greedy and sharing is not something I ever want to do.

Also, when I was married, and my husband started stepping out on me. Being the faithful wife that I am, I looked for ways to deal with my urges while he was gone. One day, he stated he was stepping out. Before he left, he did not take care of those urges. So, I figured I would use a back massager he had bought me. I got comfortable, well as comfortable as you can get when you are about to have your first ever masturbation session, placed the massager where it would have the most effect and laid back to enjoy. I was just really getting into it, you know the point where you tune out the mechanical sound, he walked back in, saw what I was doing and laughed at me. I have had A LOT of embarrassing moments in my life. That one would have to take the cake. This experience is probably the reason why I am not in a hurry to bring a toy into my home. The other would be the fact that my children are nosey as hell, it would be mortifying to walk in my room one day and see my children finding a dildo shaped like an 8-inch dick that vibrates and rotates.

So, to bring it back to the main topic of having an empty bed and being comfortable with it. Sorry, the way my mind works. Sometimes I go down a rabbit hole to different subjects. Anyways, back to my comfortability with my semi-empty bed. There are days when I subscribe to the narrative that there is a man out there, that can be in my bed and I won’t want him to get out. Today though, is not one of those days. I am perfectly comfortable in my empty bed.