Wounds

I am currently on Sabbatical. During this time though, I have read many books that are helping me heal and ultimately love myself. Most children are given love and guidance when they are young. Moments in their lives solidify the foundation that was built through their childhood. That is not my story.

That does not mean my story has a horrible ending. It just means that my story takes a little longer to get to the point. I started this blog to get my words and thoughts down on paper. I have many creative ideas that I want to try, but I had to test the waters a bit. So, this blog was that test. At the moment only 8 people have subscribed to my blog. People come, I see the analytics but they leave no comments. I receive no feedback. I have no partner to push me to do more, share more or write more.

Watching others move forward in their creative ventures, I feel stagnate. I feel like my thoughts, words or honesty is not important. I feel like my insight is not anything that anybody wants to hear on a regular basis. At the end of the day, this is just my negative wounds opening and the wind passing over them just increases the pain.

This time of healing is all about learning who I am and why I always resort to the negative thoughts and not the positive ones. My friends are busy with their own endeavors. They are not required to promote me like I promote them. I promote them because I am a real fan of their work. It was never done for some type of reciprocation. But, it would be nice.

My wounds cause me to interpret their behaviors through a painful filter. Their behaviors are not intentional. They are not required to support me the way I support them. That will not stop me from supporting or loving them. Whatever is for me, is for me. When my time comes, I will have all the support needed to become the woman that God wants me to be.

My wounds are healing now, because I am working on it with everything that I have. Hurt people, hurt people and I don't want my hurt to hurt someone else. Sometimes, I get tired of myself, the one who over analyzes everything. Understanding that people are just people is helping me understand where to place my energy and who to surround myself with. Patience is a virtue and it is something that I desire to have.